Identity, Humility and the Way We Treat Others
I trust that you know who you are. I’m sure that you remember your name, your occupation, and so on. But do you remember who you truly are at your core? What is your and my core identity? And tied up with that: how do we see others and how do we see ourselves? After all, our view of ourselves and others shapes the way we engage with each other.
Our understanding of who we are shapes the way we relate to other people. When our identity rests securely in being made by God and redeemed by Christ, we have less need to establish our importance, defend our status or diminish someone else's.
Our identity begins with God
This is my core identity: I am a child of God, redeemed and sanctified by him. If you’re a Christian I’m sure that we’re pretty aligned on that identity.
The Bible teaches us firstly that human beings are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), meaning that each person has inherent worth and dignity. Secondly, the Bible teaches that as Christians we are identified by being ‘in Christ’. We are adopted into God’s family so that we are children of God (Galatians 3:26-28) and renewed (2 Corinthians 5:17).
In the words of Kathy Koch in ‘Five to Thrive’ (1) “I am so valuable to God that He sent his perfect son Jesus Christ to die for me, even though I am imperfect. I don’t have to earn God’s love or do anything special to have him pay attention to me.”
We have nothing to prove
If I do not see God as firmly on the throne, I tend to nudge him off and place myself there instead. Then I go out of my way to convince you, myself and God that I am worthy of being on the throne, of being saved. Oh, the idolatry!
However, it is not possible to truly rest in an identity in which I can contribute to my salvation. If this is my belief, it’s probably no wonder if I desperately cling to my white-washed exterior, maybe thinking that even if I can’t convince God that I’m worthy of salvation, I can at least convince you and everyone around me.
So much of human interaction can be a game of trying to prove ourselves. We feel the need to make ourselves look good when we engage with others, to hide our nerves and fears, to say or do things that distract from our own flaws.
All this to say that being secure in our identity in Christ frees us from needing to establish our superiority, reputation or worth at someone else's expense.
Identity shapes relationships
If I forget my identity in Christ and am busy assessing my own worthiness, I’m comparing myself to you, and thinking that, if I’m at least as good as, or better than you, I should be ok. So that, at the same time as elevating my sense of self, I might be busy diminishing my sense of you, and perhaps the view that others around me have of you. I might even be inclined to take destructive actions to make you ‘smaller’ so that I seem ‘bigger’.
If I treat others poorly, I am forgetting my identity!
Being secure in our identity as redeemed children of God should help us to treat the people around us with love and respect. When I know that God made me and saved me (even though he didn’t have to), that shapes how I engage with everyone around me. In that context, a heart of humility, and a sense of deep gratitude to the Lord is the only conceivable option.
Remembering our true identity brings freedom
I don’t always remember who I am. Sometimes I forget that I am ‘incapable of doing any good (Lord’s Day 3, Heidelberg Catechism) and redeemed by grace alone, and stupidly think that I can do something to improve my standing with God (that’s my lifelong battle with my sinful flesh). When we remember who we are, we have nothing to prove. Being a redeemed child of God, means that I am so valuable that God sent his perfect Son to die for my sins. We can’t improve anything on being a redeemed child of God, can we? This incredibly gospel means that I don’t need to enhance myself in my conversations with you, or seek to have undue influence over you. If I’m confident and secure in my identity as a redeemed child of God, I can act with good intention towards others, without having to prove anything. And I will be so thankful for the love God has shown to me, that I will want to extend that love to you too.
Do you see how I need to keep reminding myself of my identity? Of that basic, but so beautiful gospel truth that I am a child of God, redeemed and sanctified by him?
Will you think about your identity, and how it shapes the way you engage with the people around you?
Kathy Koch, Five to Thrive, 2020, Moody Press