Understanding Power in Relationships
Power might be seen as one’s ability to get things done, whether through physical strength, knowledge, wealth, or social influence. The Bible doesn’t encourage us to pursue power as a goal. It’s not a position or quality that God teaches us to seek. It’s also a word that can have negative connotations. Yet, power is a reality of life. When people come together, power dynamics are present in some form. In a conversation about domestic abuse, I believe that it’s valuable to consider how power can come into play.
Power can be closely linked to having authority. For instance, as a mother, my God-given authority over my children - and the fact that I control snacks and screen time - gives me a measure of power over them. I may legitimately influence my children, but this power doesn’t come from my authority alone. It’s also derived from my status (as manager of the household), and my finances (since I purchase the snacks).
Someone with power has the ability to influence the behaviour of another person. A well-known quote by Lord Acton states, “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” When we hold power, our weaknesses and selfish tendencies have more room to thrive.
If we find ourselves in positions of authority, we do well to consider how we wield power within that role. Scripture gives us beautiful examples of people who used power and authority wisely - people like David, Solomon, Esther, Mordecai, and Nehemiah. These figures were devoted and obedient to God. They humbled themselves, and sought God’s favour. They acted with humility and courage to make difficult, sometimes unpopular, decisions. They wielded their authority to protect, honour, and nurture those in their care.
Power and Humility
In Mark 9:33-37, we find Jesus’ disciples discussing who among them was the greatest - a conversation about power. Jesus reminded them of the need for humility. The Bible teaches us to be humble rather than to grasp for power.
Power has a way of appealing to us, even when we genuinely desire to live humbly. In many ways, it offers a sense of control, security, and affirmation that speaks to our human need to be valued and to feel secure. But when we start to lean on power to meet these needs, it can become a distraction from trusting God fully. Proverbs 3:5, 6 remind us to ‘trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths’. We may begin seeking respect or control in ways that subtly build barriers between ourselves and others, affecting our relationships.
Spiritual influence
Power doesn't only come through formal positions of authority. In Christian communities, influence often grows through relationships, maturity, knowledge of Scripture or the respect of others. A godly man or woman can have a beautiful influence in the lives of many brothers and sisters.
Yet with that influence comes responsibility. It is possible to misuse spiritual influence, even with good intentions. If I claim to speak on God's behalf, or imply that my interpretation of Scripture is beyond question, I may gain an inappropriate hold over someone. If I say, "This is God's word to you," I risk suggesting that disagreeing with me is the same as disagreeing with God.
That is why spiritual influence requires particular humility. We should speak God's Word with confidence, but our own interpretations and applications with humility, remembering that we are finite people who must remain open to correction.
A Reflection on Power
Power itself is not necessarily the problem. The important question is what we do with the power we have. Do we use our strength, authority, knowledge and influence to serve and help others flourish - or to secure our own position and control?
In situations where you have power, are you using it to serve others?