What is domestic abuse?
Abuse is a pattern of behaviour that uses power to manipulate and control.
The defining point of abuse is when the man starts to exercise power over the woman in a way that causes harm to her and creates a privileged status for him. Abuse cannot be assigned to an isolated incident but is rather determined by patterns of abusive behaviour.
An abusive man consistently degrades his wife’s personhood and devalues her voice. He rejects her as a biblical helpmeet. His actions are not just sinful; they are destructive. They tear her down and inhibit her growth. This is toxic not only to the wife, but also to him as a man and to their children who observe how their father treats their mother day in and day out (Leslie Vernick, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage, p10).
Some of these abusive behaviours might be ‘not so bad’ as isolated incidents in regular marriages, which can make it difficult to identify abuse. Often the individual incidents of abusive behaviour sound so petty that a woman will not share them. Put altogether, however they are incredibly destructive to the victim.
In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can flesh do to me?
Psalm 56:4
Local Resources
1800 RESPECT: National Domestic Violence Hotline
1800 737 732
www.1800respect.org.au
1800RESPECT provides 24/7 confidential counselling, safety planning, and referrals to support people experiencing domestic, family, or sexual violence.
Starick: Police Station Domestic Violence Advocates
www.starick.org.au/services/police-court-support
Armadale: Walk into Armadale Police Station at 10 Third Road, Armadale Phone: 9399 0222
Cannington: Walk into Cannington Police Station at 1325 Albany Hwy, Cannington. Phone: 94561 0000
Starick offers on-site domestic violence advocates in Armadale and Cannington police stations, to guide women through reporting, court processes, and personalised safety planning.
Legal Aid WA
1300 650 579
www.legalaid.wa.gov.au
Legal Aid WA gives clear legal information and advice on family violence, restraining orders, and safety options to help women understand their rights.
Includes:
Interim Family Violence Restraining Order Guide
List of Family and Domestic Violence Resources
Legal Aid Tasmania
1300 366 611
www.legalaid.tas.gov.au
Legal Aid Tasmania provides straightforward legal guidance and support for women navigating family violence, protective orders, and the justice system.
Relationships Australia
https://www.relationships.org.au/wp-content/uploads/Safe-From-Violence-Booklet-web.pdf
The Safe From Violence booklet explains the signs of domestic abuse and offers simple, practical steps toward safety and support.
Books
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The Emotionally Destructive Marriage
In this book Leslie Vernick offers women in harmful or confusing marriages a clear, biblically grounded framework for recognising emotional abuse, setting wise boundaries, and reclaiming dignity and safety.
Where can this book be purchased?
Pro Ecclesia, Armadale
Providence Christian Bookshop, Albany
Reformers Bookshop -
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Is It Abuse?
In her book Darby Strickland equips women and their supporters with trauma-informed, biblically faithful tools to identify coercive control and gain clarity about the presence and impact of abuse.
Where can this book be purchased?
Pro Ecclesia, Armadale
Providence Christian Bookshop, Albany
Reformers Bookshop -
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When Home Hurts
Together Jeremy Pierre and Greg Wilson provide churches and leadership with pastoral guidance for assessing danger, understanding abuse dynamics, and taking steps toward safety and wise care.
Where can this book be purchased?
Pro Ecclesia, Armadale
Providence Christian Bookshop, Albany
Reformers Bookshop -
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The Heart of Domestic Abuse
Chris Moles helps church leaders and supporters understand the beliefs and behaviours driving abusive men so they can respond with discernment, accountability, and protection for victims.
Where can this book be purchased?
Websites
leslievernick.com
Author: Leslie Vernick
Leslie Vernick offers articles, resources, and access to her Conquer course to help women in destructive marriages gain clarity, boundaries, and a Christ-centred path toward safety and healing.
calledtopeace.org
Author: Joy Forrest
Called to Peace Ministries provides compassionate, comprehensive, Christ-centred support for women impacted by domestic abuse through resources, education, and survivor-focused help.
patrickdoyle.life
Author: Patrick Doyle
Patrick Doyle shares clear, practical teaching through YouTube videos and resources that help women understand abusive dynamics and navigate their situations with wisdom and safety.
chrismoles.org
Author: Chris Moles
Chris Moles offers resources and the Men of Peace program aimed at reducing violence by addressing the heart of abusive men while prioritising the protection and well-being of women.
saferresource.org.au
Safer Resource equips churches to recognise, understand, and respond faithfully and effectively to domestic and family violence within their communities.
churchcares.com
Church Cares provides training and clear guidance to help churches care wisely, safely, and biblically for those who have experienced abuse.
Articles
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What is Spiritual Abuse in Marriage?
Darby Strickland, a counselor and teacher at the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation, defines spiritual abuse in marriage and offers advice for helping wives who are oppressed in this way.
Read more.
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How to Detect an Abusive Guy Before Tying the Knot
Rev Wes Bredenhof
“Knowledge is power and, when it comes to relationships, one of the most important bits of knowledge is how to detect an abuser before you marry one.”
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A Letter to a Repentant Abuser
How should an abuser demonstrate repentance?
Read more.
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Family Violence from a Christian Police Officer’s Perspective
This guest post is written by a currently serving member of the Western Australia Police. While he approaches it from it a WA context, much of what he writes will be transferable to other jurisdictions in Australia and elsewhere.
Read more.
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Is a Wife Less Than a Slave?
Rev Wes Bredenhof
“In cases of marital breakdown involving abuse, well-meaning family, friends, and church leaders will sometimes do everything they can to, as they say, keep the marriage intact. “
Read more.
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Grounds for Divorce
Rev Wes Bredenhof
“Marriage is a sacred institution of God. It should never be broken lightly. But in abusive situations, one could argue that the abusive spouse is the one doing the breaking. “
Read more.
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Am I Abusive?
Chris Moles
“For men who are only beginning to question or recognize the destructive nature of their relationship with their wife and/or children, they often ask themselves this question:
“Am I abusive?” “
Includes list of relevant blog posts and podcast episodes.
Read more.
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How can your church serve survivors of domestic abuse?
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Genuine Repentance vs Worldly Sorrow
Tom Pryde
“The first and most important step in recognizing genuine repentance is this:
It has nothing to do with how emotional someone appears.”Read more.
Podcasts and Sermons
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Dealing Biblically with Domestic Violence
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Is He Really Sorry?
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Why Trying Harder Isn’t Always Biblical
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Empowering Survivors: The Pastors Role in Responding to Destructive Marriages
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Evidenced Repentance and Time
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The Full Counsel of God and Abuse
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What God Hates More Than Divorce (Malachi 2:16)
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Jesus and Divorce (Matthew 19:1-9)
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Paul and Divorce (1 Corinthinans 7:12-15)
From our blog
